I think it is important to listen to the persons that have been under the care of Barnevernet, they can better than anybody tell us what was wrong with it, so change can be made for the children to come. Thank you Maiken Alice for being strong and stepping forward with your story.
"I will like for you to hear my story.¨
I will now take you back to a time in my life when everything started, so be patient, because this is a long story.
On september 14th 2006, a completely normal day, with my backpack on my back I go happy and content to school. The school time was normal, I had time with my friends and I was looking forward to come home to my mom again, little did I know this was going to be the day that I never came home to mommy again.
The school bell rang and it was time to go home, everyone else went home but I was stopped by to ladies that wanted to talk to me. I didn't know who these ladies were, when they took me to a room all alone by myself, but I understood who they were when they told me I had gotten a new family and that I have to move away from mom. I understood so little. In the next second they took me to the car and drove me straight to the airport. When I arrive at the airport I saw an image that even today is deep planted in my heart. I saw my mom sitting in the car and crying and crying. I go to her, she gives me a hug and kisses me and says that everything is going to be ok. She gives me a teddy bear that she has sprayed with her perfume. I cry.
One minute with my mom was all I got before Barnevernet took me again. I was placed on an airplane, to where, I didn't know. When we arrive at our destination I met my "new family", which was an uncle and an aunt I have never met. Then I get to know that I will live with them in Larvik,
LARVIK?! Larvik is many hours away from everyone and everything.
I felt so alone, but luckily my brother managed to be with me on the trip where I was relocated at someone else's house. I hold his hand, I was scared.
We arrived at the house I was going to live. We sat down and talked. What we talked about I can't remember, all I could think of was my mom. It was late at night and it was time for Barnevernet to leave, when my brother asked if he could sleep here with me the first night.
This was not ok, said Barnevernet, because I had to get used to the new place.
The first night I can never forget, so alone and so afraid I have never felt. With the teddy mommy gave me by my side, wet. Wet from all the tears I had cried. Days, weeks, months passed by, the feeling that I was at home never came.
I just wanted to go home, to my real home. Once a month I got to meet mom, for 3 hours. Some times was Barnevernet that decided who I had to meet, so some times I just got to meet mom for 1 hour, before Barnevernet pulled me to meet someone else they meant it was good for me to see. Every wednesday at 4:00 pm I got to call mom for 15 minutes.
I started at school, but unfortunately it wasn't long until the bullying started.
I was ugly, disgusting, fat and nasty. I was kicked and beaten. This went on for many years. When I told the teachers and Barnevernet nothing was done. In the end I had gotten enough and I started to ditch school. I used to love school, when I was living with mom I was the best in my class, but when I was taken from my mom I developed hate towards school. In the course of those years I developed anger and frustration, something that is completely normal after such traumatic experiences.
January 31st 2008.
The day my whole life would turn upside down.
After a hard day at school I came "home", I thought of my mom and I was so happy that I was going to see her again.
It was around 2:00pm when my foster parents came home, which was weird since they worked until 4:00pm every day.
They say that they have to talk to me, so we sit down in the living room.
My foster mother starts to cry. I understand nothing.
Then my foster father says: Maiken... your mom died today.
My whole world collapsed.
Everything I could say was: no, no, no, is not true. I cried and cried. I had lost my best friend in the world, my mom. She wasn't here anymore. How was I going to manage? I ran to my room, I cried and cried while I hold hard the teddy from mommy against me.
I was angry, frustrated, furious, but at the same time incredibly sad.
Angry at Barnevernet that took me from my mom, furious because I got to see my mom so seldom.
For some reason I needed to get this fury out of me, just some hours after this notice that mom was dead I put on my handball clothes and went to play a handball camp. To be able to run and jump, throw a ball hard against a goal, it helped. In my head it was Barnevernet at the goal, and every time I threw against the goal I used all the strength I had.
Now it has gone a week, and it is time for the funeral. To walk into a church where there is a white coffin with a lot of flowers was horrible. My mommy was there, dead. I was never going to see her again. I was never going to hear her voice again, never hear the words: I love you Maiken Alice, you are mommy's treasure.
When the funeral was over we had a wake at my aunt's. This I felt it was so good, to have my whole family together.
I got a few hours with them before Barnevernet pulled me to the airport again because I had to go back to Larvik.
I didn't get to have a day with my family after mom's funeral. That was painful.
After mom died I changed. I was angry all the time, I didn't follow rules, I ditched school.
At an age of 12 years old I was standing over the train tracks, ready to kill myself. Then I had epiphany:
I WILL GO BACK TO MY FAMILY.
The time passed and I became more mentally ill.
I was more angry and I did many more things I shouldn't have.
One day Barnevernet came and told me something that made me feel relief.
I was going to move. My foster parents had resigned their agreement because they didn't manage to take care of me the way I was.
August 2009.
Part 2
I got to move, this time to a place called Hommersåk, in the outside of Sandnes.
Barnevernet meant this was the right place for me.
It didn't go long time before things were not great.
I had moved into the house of the most christian family in the whole Hommersåk.
Understand one thing: I have absolutely nothing against christians, but I do have something against they trying to convert me to christianism.
I do believe in what exists between earth and heaven. I believe my mom's soul is here, which my foster family told me again and again was just nonsense.
I remember my foster mother saying: your mother is in the coffin dead. The day that Jesus comes back she will resurrect.
I was 14 years old, and I didn't want to hear things like that. My mom believed also in souls. I got a pendant from mom, that you could use to communicate with souls. My foster family found this, and what they did was to take it from me and put it out on the grass, during a storm. That was supposed to clean out the demons in the pendant, they said. Then they threw it in the garbage. My own present from my now dead mother went in the garbage. I told Barnevernet about this, but again, they did nothing about it.
Time passed, still furious and angry things became worse. I ditched school, and before I knew Barnevernet came again. I had to move after one year of living in Hommersåk, the foster family had terminated the agreement.
2010
Part 3.
I was at school in Hommersåk when again I met Barnevernet, this time a lady and a man.
In the meeting room I was told I was going to move to Stokka, which is in Stavanger. This time to a care institution or children home, as some called them.
One week later I moved and I never looked back, in to a care facility. I met someone that lived there and we clicked instantly, she became my best friend. Everything was fine for a little while despite how mentally ill I was, but then things started to go bad. The whole thing started with a man that worked there. He would stand there and yell at me, he called me fucking asshole and he understood why I was in the Children Home: Problem child.
A lot of other things were said to me, and he had used violence against other kids. Children that were defenseless. I told Barnevernet and the institution about this, nothing was done because as they said: a colleague of them could never do such things.
We also had a "friendly" guy that worked there, he touched us in our thighs and told us how cute we were. But did the institution so something about this? no.
Time passed and it became worse. For every little thing the police was called and we were put in hand cuffs. I can, with my hand on my heart, swear on my mother's grave that much of what the institution told the police we had done, were lies.
With time I developed depression, and this turned into self harming and suicidal thoughts every single day. In 2012 the institution moved to a new building in Sunde, so everyone moved there. I didn't know that it would become the worse year of my life ever. I was still angry for not being heard. I screamed every day, I was so angry at everyone and everything. Nobody wanted to hear. The self harming became worse, and I was in and out of the psychiatric unit.
Then we have Christmas eve, a day I will never forget. After mom died I don't see the point of Christmas, so I wanted to be at the children home for Christmas.
And you know what they said?: oh, no, I couldn't be there because they didn't have people to work then.
And you know what happened?: with a bag, I was thrown out in the streets, during a snow storm, on Christimas eve, with no place to go. This is supposed to be a care facility. Do you hear the word "care" in this whole situation? no, me neither. And do you think that Barnevernet did something about this? NO.
I was so mentally troubled, I could not go to school, I could not work. I slept all day long. I had had enough.
I ended up once again in the psychiatric unit, just that this time it was going to be different when I came out.
2012
Part 4.
I was released from the psychiatric unit, but this time was different.
I was met by Barnevernet again and they told me I had to move because the institution had terminated the contract.
This time I was moving into an acute institution, and in this place I had to live until Barnevernet found a new place for me to live. This was 2 houses, I moved in to one, while in the other one lived other kids. And you know what? I wasn't allowed to live with them because Barnevernet meant I was too violent.
And now I am going to tell you something: I have never been violent. I would not hurt a fly, but still I was isolated from everyone else. I was completely alone in this house. No adults. Alone, lonely. I watched through the window to the other house and I saw kids sitting by the dinner table and having a good time.
I got a plate with the dinner leftovers later.
Nice, isn't? I had given up telling Barnevernet because they did nothing anyway. I wanted to away, away from this life.
I made my bag and I went to visit a "friend" one hour away from the institution. I had to leave because I wasn't being heard.
This exit I did by escaping turned my life into even worse.
A normal night with beer and alcohol, because we were going to have fun. My "friend" had some buddies visiting.
I got druk, and asked for a painkiller because I had a headache. I got a pill. Without seeing it I swallowed it. Not long time after I took the pill, I started to see double. I wasn't able to stand, walk or move.
My "friend"'s buddy took me to the bedroom because I had to sleep, he said... but he wanted something more.
I lied there almost unconscious, he takes my clothes off and then it happens the unbelievable. I get raped. I cry but I am not able to move. He gets done and leaves the room. Crying, lying there, I collect strength to get out of there.
I manage it. Out of the window. I get out of the house, go through a dark forest in the middle of the night, hoping to find a house.
Without shoes, a tank top and pants in temperatures below zero I walk about 20 minutes before I find a house. I knock on the door, crying, and there I meet a nice man that helps me. He put me in front of the chimney with a blanket on. He calls the police and the ambulance.
I was in a place where I need to take a boat to get to the city center. The nice man drives me to the boat. On the other side is the ambulance and police waiting for me.
I was taken to the hospital, where the examination was going to happen. It was a horrible time. Time passed and the case was dismissed because of the lack of evidence. Later on I got to know that Barnevernet had said to the police that I had probably made this up because I wanted attention.
I didn't made this up. What happened broke me. But I was alone, nobody believed me.
2013
Part 5.
After slowly but steady getting better, I was told again that I was to move into another institution in Våland.
This was just a few months before I turned 18. Soon I could decide on my own.
I moved in. I was placed in an institution where kids used drugs.
I am a girl that NEVER have or want to touch drugs, but there is where I get relocated. There was a lot of fighting, and once again, I wanted to give up, I closed myself. There was no help to get.
Finally came the day! I became 18! Now is me the one that decide, but what I thought it was going to be my best year, it turned out not to be.
I started drinking, every single day.
I had gotten my inheritance from mom's death. 150.000 NOK.
I drank, I slept in hotels and I took a taxi everywhere. Before I knew it, I had used all the money in a few months. I had ordered a lot of stuff on internet, on credit. Which unfortunately ended in me having debts for more than 500.000 NOK now.
No one was there to help me with the economy. Alone again. How was I supposed to know how to handle so much money?
in October 2013 I had been in a party. A few weeks later I felt unwell. Nauseous and with a later period. I took a test and two lines came up. I was paralyzed. I was pregnant. And what do you think Barnevernet said about this? I had two options: to abort or to have the baby and Barnevernet would take the baby from me right after the delivery.
I did what almost killed me: I aborted. Depressed.
I was so depressed that I decided to take my own life. I had gotten paracetamol and vicodin after the abortion.
A little drunk, I took extremely many pills, including vallergan. I was going to die of an overdose.
I got on the sofa, ready to die.
What happens next is unexplicable, but I heard some kind of voice inside my head saying that I must not do this. Life will get better. Wobbly I got out of the door and went to the hospital. I lived 5 minutes away.
Outside the entrance door I collapse.
What happens next is unclear, but there was a man that saw what happened and he contacts the ambulance. I remember waking up to many doctors over me. One of them says: you are not going to die. Try to stay awake.
I remember I got a hose down my throat. Everything was unclear.
The day after comes the doctors to talk to me, they said I was lucky.
If I had come any later, I would have most surely died.
I was hospitalized in the psychiatric unit. And once again came Barnevernet, despite I was 18, they had found a new home for me. I was not thinking clear, I was so gone. So I just said "yeah, ok" and fell asleep.
2014.
Part 6.
Finally I am on my feet again after being relocated to a co-housing community with my own apartment.
Grown ups came and checked on me 6 times a day. I wanted to have peace. Calm and peace without hassle. I still had a lot of anger in me and I started drinking again. Every day. Several alcohol bottles were emptied. Was I on my way to become an alcoholic? in 2016 I decided to move out and terminate any relation with Barnevernet. I moved in with a girlfriend. And for the first time in a very long time I was better. I felt better. I had to start working with myself. I was mentally ill, I had social anxiety and fear of death. Barnevernet and the institutions had destroyed my whole childhood and my life. And I was alone trying to get a better life after the damage the many people that was supposed to give me security and care inflicted on me.
In september 2016 I got pregnant again. This time I decided to keep the baby, whatever others said.
During the pregnancy I became a completely different person. I was happy. I started to love life. Instead of fury, it was love. I was looking forward to become a mom.
There were many worried reports from Barnevernet and many meetings, but I didn't give up. I decided to become independent, so I found an apartment to live alone, with 2 bedrooms.
on May 23rd 2017 came to the world the most beautiful daughter. Little sweet Juni Alice. My mom heart just melted.
I don't want to tell you what has happened with her, because it is too painful, but I can tell you short:
- Barnevernet (the one that was my case worker earlier became Juni Alice's case worker)
- I got to see her for only one minute after the delivery.
- I get to meet her 6 times a year.
I am now going on a case against Barnevernet. I am going against them with my case. How I have been a bouncing ball in the system, how I was treated and how I have struggled after that to get my life back.
I want to thank all of you, for taking the time to read my story ❤️
I also want to tell you that today I am fantastically good, I don't have anxiety anymore. I am unfortunately still struggling with getting out to get a job, but this I will manage. I AND ONLY I have worked with myself so I don't let Barnevernet break me.
Thank you so much again ❤️
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